I Knew You Weren't Dead
by Callisto-HK
Summary: Dean said he knew Sam wasn't dead and Sam smiled knowingly, because he knew Dean was just saying those words to avoid the question. / Tag to 11x17. Red Meat. An alternate way things could've gone. T for lang. Read the AN.
_**A/N: This is for SamAlexisShep and a couple of other friends who have asked for a tag to episode 17; Red Meat. So, obviously, spoiler alert for 11x17!**_

 _ **This goes a bit AU from when Sam shows up at the clinic to when Dean and Sam get to their car. Just an alternate way things could've gone.**_

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 _ **Underlined lines are the original lines from the show.**_

 _ **Hope you enjoy it.**_

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 **. I Knew You Weren't Dead .**

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How had he missed it? Had there been any signs and Dean had missed them because of the distraction and desolation that he was drowning in after Sam's supposed death?

Those were the thoughts that were running through Dean's head as Corbin-slash-werewolf was squeezing the life out of his throat. He also thought about the fact that normally he'd be able to fight better, even if the man throttling him was now ten times stronger than a normal human being; but now Dean wasn't on his top form, he had two very painful broken ribs, a nasty concussion from which he still hadn't recovered and above all, he'd just come back from death after taking those pills. Dizzy, nauseated and weak from both the concussion and the almost fatal encounter with the crazy death machine, he simply wasn't up to spar with a supernaturally strong, and let's not forget pissed off, creature.

He silently cursed his luck for not having any adequate weapon on him to get rid of the werewolf, but he knew he had to somehow win this battle or Corbin would go to Michelle and turn her, too and Dean hadn't saved her, almost losing his brother in the process, only to let her get turned or killed.

Ignoring the call of the sweet, blissful blackness of unconsciousness, he kept pushing the werewolf away, but he wasn't sure how much longer he could last like this.

Right then a shot rang out and the man's grip on his throat loosened and then he dropped dead right beside him.

Gasping for air, Dean pushed himself up and found his brother standing there, bloodied and clearly in pain, but very much alive, which was more than he'd thought he could ever have, merely hours ago.

"Took you long enough." Dean rasped out, covering his relief upon seeing his brother alive and on his feet with sarcasm; he couldn't let Sam know he'd thought him dead and had tried to make yet another deal to bring him back. He had to pretend like he'd known Sam hadn't died.

Sam didn't react to his comment, he was in way too much pain to do anything other than sinking to the ground, which was exactly what he did and every fiber in Dean's body screamed for him to rush to his brother's side and help him, make sure he was safe, but the dizziness and weakness of his own body took over, now that the rush of adrenaline had subsided. So while his mind ordered his limbs to move and go help his brother, his body did his own thing and succumbed to the pain and weakness he'd pushed aside for hours now and then Dean knew nothing more.

Sam was still aware of his surroundings and he was sure Dean would be by his side any seconds now, taking care of everything; so he was surprised when instead of his brother's strong arm, he felt the presence of a woman by his side.

Looking up, he found a doctor kneeling by his side, trying to get his attention. Sam frowned at that; _where was Dean?_

He was about to ask that when a nurse with a gurney showed up and then the doctor and the nurse were helping him to the gurney. Right when he was sitting on the thing, his eyes caught Dean's prone form on the ground with a doctor by his side.

 _What the hell! What was wrong with Dean?_

He didn't have time to ask that question aloud, though, because someone just injected him with something that he supposed was morphine and as the pain started to fade away, so did his consciousness.

...

"Sam? Can you hear me?"

Sam blinked his eyes open as voices rushed through his head. A young nurse, the same one who he'd seen with the gurney was standing by his side.

"Good." She smiled. "Do you know where you are?"

"Hospital." Sam croaked, sounding like he'd been asleep for days.

The nurse helped him with some ice chips. "Well, I wouldn't call this a hospital; we're way too short-staffed for that. But close enough. This is merely a small clinic."

"What happened?"

"Well, you were bleeding when you got here, but we stopped it and now you're gonna be just fine."

"My brother?"

"Dean? Oh, he's in another room. Your friend, Michelle, is sitting with him."

Michelle. God, he'd killed her husband; she must be devastated. "How's she?"

"I don't know. I don't know how anyone is, actually." She sounded confused herself.

Sam could understand that sentiment; she probably was still shocked herself.

"How long have I been here?"

"Ah, it's been a couple of hours." She replied. "Was it real?" She finally asked.

Sam wanted to lie, but he couldn't, so he just nodded; because he couldn't muster the energy to explain everything.

"God. I... I..."

"I know." The young man sympathized. "Can I see my brother?"

"You just woke up; of course you can't move around."

"Please; I need to see him. I need to know what's wrong with him." Sam pleaded.

"What about I get you his doctor? She can explain everything to you and if she thinks you're ready to move, then we'll take you to your brother."

"Sounds great. Thanks."

As the nurse left to fetch the doctor, Sam lay there, trying to come up with reasons Dean would be hospitalized because he knew being just banged up had never been enough to bring Dean down and keep him there.

"Sam, right?" The doctor Sam had seen earlier walked into his room, followed by Michelle who looked crestfallen, but concerned.

"Hi." Sam said and then turned his gaze to the young woman who'd just lost her husband. "You OK?"

Michelle gave a watery, small smile and shook her head.

"I'm sorry." Sam said sincerely.

"Not your fault." She sighed.

"Sam, I was told you wanna know about your brother." The doctor spoke up after she read Sam's vitals. "First, tell me; how's your pain?"

"Not bad. It's a 2, maybe 3."

"OK, Good."

"What's wrong with my brother?"

"He's got a couple of broken ribs, a nasty concussion and his windpipe is a bit swollen due to the strangulation which is why we're giving him Oxygen through a nasal cannula."

Sam waited for more; because as bad as the list of injuries was, Dean'd dealt with worse without taking even a painkiller. And he said pretty much the same thing to the doctor.

"This morning I would've started to ask all kind of questions after hearing a statement like that. But now..." She shook her head.

"So?" Sam urged her to get to the point.

"Well, aside from everything I just told you about him, for all of which he needs to be monitored, he's dealing with the aftermath of the drug poisoning."

Sam's eyes widened. "Drug poisoning?"

"Yes." She nodded and Sam noticed that Michelle looked really troubled. What the hell had happened? "This morning, shortly after your brother was brought in and woke up in his room-"

"Wait, Dean was brought in? What the hell happened?"

"Umm, the sheriff tased him." Michelle said awkwardly.

"What?"

"Uh, Dean got us to the road and found us the sheriff's car." She swallowed hard, remembering that she still had her husband by her side back then, even though _her_ Corbin was already gone. Blinking back the tears that those thoughts brought to her eyes, she continued, "Um, he was going to come back for you, but the sheriff wouldn't let him; so Dean punched him and turned to come for you when he tased Dean from behind and then brought us all to the hospital."

"Damn." Sam cursed. "OK. What next? How did he get drug poisoning?"

"He... He committed suicide."

"WHAT?!" Sam almost jumped from his bed; the monitors showing how fast his heart was beating.

Michelle and the doctor exchanged a look and they decided that Michelle knew more, so she opted to answer. "He... Umm, I came to see him when I heard he'd woken up; we thought you were dead." She whispered and looked away, feeling guilty for what had happened to lead to that conclusion. "Dean looked so broken and I... I just wanted to talk to him; I told him that death is not the end and he suddenly looked different. He... He took me to a room and broke the lock to the medicine cabinet and said that werewolves aren't the only monsters out there and that he needed to talk to this... This evil scary Death Machine, I think he said. "

Sam paled at hearing that. "Reaper." He said under his breath, already knowing everything else that was about to come out of Michelle's mouth.

"He said to do that, he needed to die." Michelle said brokenly, watching Sam's reaction carefully; even the doctor hadn't heard some of those things which made her look stunned.

Michelle didn't stop, though. "He wasn't suicidal; he didn't... Well, he didn't mean to kill himself for good. He told me to get the doctor once he took the pills and to tell her to bring him back if she could. Which is why I ran to the doctor and took her to Dean's side."

Sam was shaking in his place, partly with anger at his stupid, self-sacrificing brother and partly with shock and fear and sadness for what Dean must've gone through. "He died." He wasn't asking; he was just stating what he'd realized. "The bastard killed himself to save me. AGAIN." Now he was really angry.

"Again?" Michelle asked, not sure she wanted the story behind that.

"Well, he _almost_ died." The doctor tried to help. "He was convulsing when I found him and it took us a while to control it and once he stopped he almost went into a cardiac arrest, but I managed to bring him back with a direct injection to his heart. He threw up most of the drugs he'd consumed, but some of it was still in his system and some had entered his blood stream which eventually led him to where he's now. Once he was back, he tried to leave the clinic-"

"That's when he said you're alive." Michelle jumped in. "And the sheriff got angry when he tried to walk away and used a zip tie to cuff him. He asked the doctor to sedate Dean."

"Which of course I refused." The doctor continued. "I told him that more drugs is the last thing your brother needs and that he could die again if he took anything so soon."

Sam wasn't sure how much more he could take. Dean had almost died; no, he _had_ died, because otherwise he wouldn't have been able to see a reaper; he'd just been damn lucky that the doctor had been able to bring him back. "He still at risk?" That was the most important question, at the moment, though.

"No. Once he collapsed again, I ordered for a stomach pump to make sure nothing more would enter his blood stream; but he needs to be monitored for awhile yet. He's still not completely out of the woods."

Sam nodded; looking extremely disturbed.

"Normally, we'd recommend suicide watch after a stunt like that; but with you guys, I suppose normal is something that you don't encounter much. Seems like he's not exactly suicidal; but maybe you could keep an eye on him once you're both out of here."

"He won't try it again." Sam said confidently; _'not as long as he doesn't think I might need for him to sacrifice his idiot self to save me.'_ He added silently; vowing to keep an eye on his brother nevertheless; because talking to Dean would never work in this case; he'd gone to hell for him and got tortured for years above every other times that he'd put himself in danger to ensure Sam's safety and he still hadn't gotten out of that habit; so nothing could change Dean's mind at this stage.

"He really loves you." Michelle said quietly and Sam noticed that he'd zoned out and the doctor had left.

"The feeling's mutual." He muttered. _Only if Dean could understand how much his death would hurt Sam._

"Don't be mad at him." She requested with a small voice.

"I can't help it." Sam sighed. "Dean always does this; he always _always_ puts himself at risk; sacrifices himself for the others and mostly for me. He doesn't get that I need him as much as he needs me. What if he'd died? What if while he'd tried to make a deal to bring me back, he'd died and I came here and found him dead? What if-" He clenched his jaw and squeezed his eyes shut. Tears had welled up in his eyes and he couldn't let them drop. "He's the only person I've got in this world. He's always been there for me. Always. Even when I was being an ass and would push him away or hurt him. I _can't_ lose him."

"Then show him how much you care." She said wisely. "Life's too short." She said brokenly and it was clear in her wet eyes that she wished she could get another chance with her beloved husband.

Sam saw the pain in her eyes and winced when he realized that while he and Dean had dodged the proverbial bullet this time and still had each other, Michelle hadn't been so lucky and had lost someone dear. "I'm sorry." Sam said, certain that the woman would get all the other words that he wanted to say, but knew wouldn't be enough.

Nodding her head, she let a drop of tear fall from her eye. "Thank you. But still not your fault. You and Dean saved my life. _Our_ lives." She added quietly. "You guys gave me a few more hours with him. And I owe my life to you two."

"Wish we've found you earlier."

Shaking her head, she said, "You did more than anyone else could and you both paid for it almost with your lives. Just... Just don't spend your time being angry with each other." She whispered and when Sam nodded sadly, she stood up to leave. Before reaching the door, she turned around one more time and said, "I'm sorry for what happened in that cabin. That wasn't... Corbin wasn't a killer." Her chin was trembling. "He did it for me _._ And I'm sorry."

Sam nodded sadly and watched as she walked out.

He thought about her words and realized that yes; they'd spent way too much time mad at each other and yes; Dean had once again tried to save Sam by sacrificing himself; because Sam might not know what had happened between Dean and the reaper, but he know that this new reaper wouldn't let Dean come back if she could and he knew Dean knew it, too; which meant that Dean had made his peace with it and he most probably had even tried to make a deal with the reaper; his life for Sam's, before finding out that his younger brother hadn't even died. But this time, Sam knew that getting angry would only lead to becoming distant from his brother again. And he sure didn't want that.

True, Dean wasn't suicidal, but he wasn't exactly attached to life either, especially without Sam and honestly Sam couldn't blame him; they both were in their thirties - _years spent in hell not to be mentioned_ \- but they had gone through so much and had died and come back so many times that they both felt like they'd lived 300 years instead; they were just as tired.

So Sam could understand; he wasn't attached to life any more than Dean was and he knew he couldn't keep going without Dean by his side; he'd tried and had failed; he needed Dean so he'd stay sane and clean; without Dean he'd either lose his sanity or would go to the dark side; it didn't matter if he had good intentions.

They'd both fight everything evil as long as they could and as long as they were in this world, but that didn't mean they would fight too hard to stay alive, one second longer than it was absolutely necessary.

Sam just wished Dean wouldn't be so careless with his life; that he'd understand that without him, Sam would be devastated and that it wasn't alright for him to die as long as Sam lived; he wished Dean would understand his importance in Sam's life, but he knew that, to some extent, _he_ was to blame for the way Dean behaved; for a very long time and on more than one occasion, he'd given Dean ample reasons to doubt that notion; so now, he just had to keep an eye on Dean and prove that he meant it when he said he couldn't do it without Dean by his side.

He couldn't confront Dean about what he'd learned and he wouldn't do that; because Dean had enough trouble without thinking that Sam was upset with him and the last thing Sam wanted was for Dean to once again start hiding his problems from him. So, no; he _wouldn't_ confront Dean; he'd ask and see what his brother would say, but he wouldn't show that he knew the truth; but in the meantime, he'd make sure Dean was alright, physically and mentally. They both needed each other if they were going to win yet another battle.

...

"Hey, so, what did you do?" Sam asked as they both settled into their seats in the car; Dean still looked a bit pale, but surprisingly he looked relieved, even though he was clearly trying not to show it; but Sam could see it because he knew what Dean had done and what he'd thought. Dean was clearly relieved that the nightmare was over and his brother was alive and by his side.

Dean looked at him and shook his head with confusion.

"When you thought I was dead." He explained further, knowing perfectly well that Dean would never tell him the truth about what he'd done. "What did you do?" Narrowing his eyes, he stared at his brother.

And of course Dean chose to joke about it. "Thought about redecorating your room; you know, put in a Jacuzzi, a nice disco bar; -"

Sam didn't hear the rest, shaking his head, he scoffed. "Right; seriously."

Dean stopped, "What? I uh,..." He looked Sam in the eyes for less than a second before looking away and saying, "I knew you weren't dead." He looked back at him and nodded his head to show he was telling the truth.

Sam stared at his brother for a couple of seconds, surprised that Dean could sound so collected when he'd actually been dejected to the point that he'd tried to use supernatural powers to bring Sam back. "Right." He couldn't help the knowing smile that spread across his face and he turned his gaze away so Dean wouldn't see the truth in his eyes.

"I knew it." Dean repeated for good measure and Sam couldn't do anything but shake his head to himself and sticking to his first plan of taking care of Dean his own way.

It wasn't like he'd expected Dean to actually tell him that he'd almost died, _almost killed himself_ , to try and save him again!

.

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 **Fini!**

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 **A/N: Let me know what you think.**

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 **I don't own the show and its characters and all mistakes are mine.**


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